Diary of a Pondering Wanderer
The drugs work fast. I lay motionless in a white cell room I call home. The fluorescent light blinds even the Sun. My heart beats fast and slow at the same time. I’m only with my thoughts and I’m paralyzed. The sound of silence is deafening, why can’t anyone hear me. With every breath getting heavier I know the end is near.
Question: If you follow the voice it will lead you to…?
Answer: Questions
06/02/2007
I have experienced a lifetime of questions about myself and my journey.
It isn’t about finding myself or finding someone it’s about answering the right questions.
07/02/2007
My mind is clear. I have no thoughts. I’m unsure where my path is going to lead me but I have to seize the moment. Live the moment.
08/02/2007
There is something about airports that calms me down. People travelling excite me but when I travel I feel like I’m running away, running from the truth.
10/02/2007
To taste life you smile at every challenge.
The taste of life, to live and learn.
12/02/2007
Paper, pen, ready… And nothing.
14/02/2007
Watching the endless traps pass by is now a distant memory. When I’m lost I don’t want to be found. Let me struggle and find my own way home.
15/02/2007
By protecting my heart I got lost.
16/02/2007
I run and run with no resolute. My body and mind says no.
17/02/2007
Are you a shy person?
Saying good bye to yourself is such a hard thing.
24/02/2007
Finally, I know I’m not well. I’m disillusioned and it hurts to think. To move or do nothing. A magic pill is not the answer.
The collection of diary entries is based on my travels and my emotional conditioning. I find that writing how I feel evokes a vivid picture of what I experienced, I’m unusual that way.
I have been travelling around South East Asia for 6 weeks and I am losing my mind but at least I know where the demons live and I’m ready to fight.
I do question my mental state of mind on a daily basis and I’m not always in a drug induced coma writing trivial things, I always write trivial things. But there is something liberating and frightening when one reads over pointless ramblings, I cry, laugh and embarrass myself with my stupidity and lack of candour.
I have analyzed myself to the point where it almost consumed my life. I don’t have the answers but knowing there are still questions keeps my starry-eyed dreams alive.
Francis Go
- Francis is a self-diagnosed manic-depressive who is an easily amused simpleton.
- Published: March, 2007
khole?
vino
- March 8th, 2007, 11:45 am
hmm…I think you better come home now Franz. You’re starting to scare me.
Dorothy
- March 19th, 2007, 12:24 pm
Hey Franz,
You have a cozy, clean, warm room and a nice comfortable home waiting for you here in Australia.
Life is a paradox. The things we think we are sure will make us happy seldom do.
(I got this from some books I have read over the years and you may already know about it)
The relentless pursuit of pleasure brings pain.
The greatest risk is not taking any.
Our efforts to learn, to acquire, to hold onto what we have
–all eventually come to nothing.
Only by embracing our mortality can we be happy in the time we have.
eve
- March 20th, 2007, 2:31 am
Vino, it was the malaria tablets.. the side effect was paranoia.
I can understand that my diary entries may seem desolate but writing my incoherent thoughts and emotions puts a smile to my face because in the end I’m really in a happy place.
Note: I’m off the malaria tablets but unfortunately my body is being molested by mosquitoes
Francis
- March 20th, 2007, 7:08 am
“It isn’t about finding myself or finding someone it’s about answering the right questions.”
This very much reminds me of the plot to “The Hitch Hicker’s Guide to the Galaxy”
Perhaps you should build a giant super-computer to help you on your way my good man 
Brad
- March 20th, 2007, 1:06 pm
Franz doesn’t need a giant super-computer he has a mind of a hippie on malaria tablets.
vino
- March 21st, 2007, 1:22 pm
And we *all* know how powerful those are
Brad
- March 22nd, 2007, 5:36 am
fuck yeah hippies on malaria tabs own fucking hitchhikers guide to galactic crack addiction
vino
- March 22nd, 2007, 12:21 pm
what the hell someone must of used my pc and wrote the above comment
i
vino
- March 26th, 2007, 2:44 am
love you brad
vino
- March 26th, 2007, 2:45 am